After a couple of intense days, I feel like we can move toward a more normal existence today. My take on #BulletsfortheMorgian continues to offer a different view of that entire debate and may actually
lead me to write an article about how spirituality and political correctness do not necessarily to hand in hand.
When I last drew this Ogham, Morgen noticed my comment about not understanding her key words “Endings <> Consequences” in relation to all the other readings I had done around this Ogham. She sent me a private message, a portion of which I would like to share now:
In terms of the endings, it is more of a context of the ending transitioning to a beginning. More of an ending in order to bring about the new. Everything is circular, so not just a flat stop. And the consequences aspect doesn’t necessarily have the typical negative aspects. It’s more an acceptance for what you have created, good or bad. Acceptance for actions so that forward movement may happen. You aren’t wrong about inspiration – it’s all about personal intuition
PTSD and other mental illnesses are often reflected in this type of thinking and drawing Ruis today in the context of this explanation makes sense.
As PTSD rolls through a person there is a transition that happens into a type of madness. The abuser is everywhere and currently out to get you, even if you know rationally that it isn’t true. As you learn methods to cope with your triggers, you learn to end this madness and transition into a beginning. Each time you do this there is a feeling of great accomplishment and a real sense of rebirth and renewal. You wake, as I did today, hopeful not having had night terrors and better able to deal with the world.
When you first deal with PTSD, while in its grip, you react in extreme ways. You do crazy things that have a tendency to create drama and horrible consequences that will resonate throughout your life long after the episode of PTSD passes. It isn’t unusual for persons who suffer with PTSD to have problems keeping relationships or sticking with jobs or have periods of manic purchasing or spending. These impulses emerge as your psyche tries to figure out how to elevate the internal stress and pressure PTSD creates.
Over time, and with lots of therapy – specifically cognitive behavioral therapy, you learn to stop. You learn to try not to interact with others. You learn to not make big decisions. You learn to not write posts about people being snippy about you self identifying as Wiccan. If you write it, you learn to not release it (or not).
You learn to recognize the rage and anger that well up when PTSD has got you in its vise grips.
Over time you come to recognize when the PTSD releases you and you feel like you take take a deep breathe and you feel you are safe. You identify the new triggers and start working on making them less effective at triggering you. And you come to the place where you look back on the days or weeks the PTSD had raged and assess the damage you did while possessed.
Today, looking back over the approximate seven days of PTSD possession I have had this time, I am actually pretty proud of myself. The worse thing I did was be a little snippy to someone who doesn’t know me well, write a rant about the semantics of pagan versus Wiccan and publish it, and be a little ornery with Stone and Tree Bear. My family coveners said things like, “I am sorry your so frustrated.” I was able to assure them all that it isn’t them. This time I recognized I was in the grips of a PTSD episode about four days into it. Had I realized it sooner the whole Pagan/Wiccan thing would have never left my desktop. (Mind you, my opinion about how stupid that whole delineation is wouldn’t have changed. I would have approached any article on the subject differently).
I managed to not spend money in large quantities. I managed to not wreak or ruin any important relationships. I managed to do very little damaged as I processed. So as I come to grips with the consequences of having had a severe episode of PTSD, I am pleased at this ending with what I have to work with today.